So, August marks my third official month ttc after getting the go ahead from my GI. I know it may not seem like a long time, but time seems to stand still when your always waiting. Waiting to start a cycle, waiting to ovulate, waiting to test, waiting to finally see those two pink lines.
I'm not ashamed to say that the last couple of months have been rigorously revolved around my menstrual cycle. Like any other TTC momma, I identify my fertile days, and determine the best days for baby making. I've become fluent in ovulation tests and have learned a lot about my body and what it's bodily fluids (cervical mucus) can tell us about our fertility. I have been staying active by working out 3-5 times a week. I have been drinking tons of water, taking prenatal vitamins, eating healthy, and keeping a good mental attitude (For the most part). And still, my cycles have only ended in blood shed (Drama queen, I know).
I know what people may think of me and I know what they may say. I think they think that I am too "desperate", or maybe I should keep all this ttc business to myself. I'm tired of people advising me to "relax". People may have even un-followed me on Instagram because my posts are "too sad" or whatever (I ended up making a private IG anyway). But let me tell you I will die if I don't put myself out there. The pain I feel from my loss and the wanting to be a mother again is too strong for me to hold in. It is indescribably healing and altogether motivating connecting with other mama's in a similar situation. The loneliness doesn't feel so dark when you have a place to write and share with people who understand the craziness of what loss and ttc can bring. I am invested in becoming a mother again and I will do what I can to see to it that I have another healthy pregnancy and a living baby at the finish line. I will share my journey because I god damn want to.
Anyway, I guess this wasn't much of a ttc update, besides being irritable with people and just frustrated that I'm still not pregnant. Oh, and I also quit OPK's. Ovulating doesn't seem to be the issue so I was glad to drop it. AF is actually due on Solomon's birthday (August 29th). I don't want to capitalize on how special it would be to get a BFP on my angels' special day because I don't want to set myself up for even more heartache of a BPN as it is. I hope it will happen. If not, I can only trust God knows what is best for me.
Part of what has been keeping me sane (Besides my faith) has been staying motivated at the gym. I have truly been enjoying this process of getting in shape and healthy.
The left picture was taken at 8 months post partum, 119lbs, 21.5% body fat, 20.4 BMI (I was flexing) 🙈
- The right picture was taken 11 months post partum, 118lbs 21.5% body fat, 22.1 BMI (Peek my almost abs!) I gained almost 2 pounds of muscle! Yay!
The girl on the left, her resting heart rate was 90 (eek!) and the girl on the right is at 75 beats a minute :)!! Whenever I check my blood pressure It is always nice a low around 110 :). Because I had high blood pressure towards the end of my pregnancy, this is improvement is something that really moves me and that I am sooo proud of!
Since I started training with Barbara, my body has made a compete 180! I have so much energy and I can actually lift... like actual weight! Recently, I leg pressed 290 lbs. Where as in the beginning, I would struggle with just the weight of the machine! (So proud of myself!) My goal in all of this is not to have abs or a nice butt. I'm working hard so I can be the healthiest mama I can. I know staying active and eating clean will give me a foot forward in all stages of ttc and pregnant and post partum. That's all I want. I want to be healthy so I can be my best for when my rainbow decides to shine.