Designing Mama

Another Negative and why I’m taking a break from TTC

TTCLuana Cardenas2 Comments

I lost a lot of body mass during my pregnancy and have not been able to return to my healthy weight of 125 lbs since my pregnancy belly literally vanished after the cesarean. I haven't been able to keep any food in my system for very long. I'm anemic and under my ideal weight and dealing with everything that results from it.

I saw a new gastroenterologist to get this shit under control (Pun semi-intended). Unfortunately, the doctor only told me what I've known all along. I never wanted to admit I wasn't healthy enough to start trying again. I listened to my OB when he gave us the go ahead to start trying again, well knowing I probably shouldn’t enter a pregnancy like this.

I was so caught up with giving Solomon a sibling and filling my empty arms that I put in second place what should have been my first priority. I wasn't taking my medication in hopes I would be pregnant by now. I was hoping a new pregnancy would put my UC in remission as it did when I was pregnant with Solomon.

Yet again Aunt Flow showed up at the end of cycle three ttc. She screamed at me like, “YOU WILL NOT GET PREGNANT LIKE THIS”. I have been handed a reality check. I should want to do this the right way instead of "Selfishly" bringing a baby into my mess because I can’t stand to be childless. The emotions of pregnancy after loss are very complex. 

My morning cocktail. 

My morning cocktail. 

I miss how amazing I felt with my sweet Solomon living inside of me. I can’t wait to reach that peak of happiness again. I know that journey starts with the recovery of insides. So for now, I’m giving charting a little break and no more TTC for a little while, doctors orders.

Heres to hoping I can get better real soon, and conceiving another perfect and amazing little human :).