If you are a loss mommy or have been following a little bit of my story, you may have learned that there is no such thing as the first trimester "Danger Zone". Yes, miscarriage rate is higher in the first 12 weeks and drops significantly thereafter but horrible and unsead things can happen at any point during gestation. My son passed away at 36 weeks, I was 9 months pregnant! Reality check, every day is a god damn danger zone.
Yes, I have my faith. Of course I want to believe and trust that everything will be ok. But some days I can't help but wonder if my baby is still alive. I count down the minutes to my next doctors appointment when they get to tell me "Yes, there is a heartbeat and yes, you are still pregnant".
Even though I live in constant crippling fear that lighting will strike me twice, I took a verrrry deep breath this morning and smiled at the fact that I AM 13 WEEKS PREGNANT! There is just something about hitting this milestone that is so special. I AM IN THE SECOND TRIMESTER! MY BABY IS STILL ALIVE! I AM SO THANKFUL!!
The truth is, every day when you are pregnant after a loss is a victory. Everyday is a day closer I get to take my baby home. I don't want to take a single moment for granted of this awesome gift to be carrying again. My sweet little angel taught his mama that 💙.
Aside from a healthy, growing baby, I am extremely blessed to have had an awesome and smooth first trimester, just like I did with my sweet Soly. NO morning sickness and NO extreme cravings, whoop! I have however, been eating literally ALL the things (I have gained 6 lbs so far), and sleeping like a bear in hibernation. I get home from work to take a nap and I still dead tired by 8:00pm! straight up Granny style, lol.
Other side effects have been: Peeing every 5 minutes, sore boobies, crazy dreams, extreme thirst for ice cold water, face acne, few headaches here and there, and aside from a few icky days... I really can't complain!
Most expecting mothers see their OB just once or twice by the time they are 13 weeks. I have seen my doctor a whopping total of 7 times. Excessive? Maybe. Crazy? Most definitely. But the doctor understands my past and promised me I could come in as often as I wanted. So I have decided that every two weeks from here on out is what I would feel comfortable with... and I'll keep doing whatever it takes to keep me sane and to ensure my baby is safe. Appointments are generally uneventful but I don't care If I am "That crazy paranoid lady who is pregnant after stillbirth and needs constant reassurance", because that is exactly what I am.
Speaking of appointments, our twelve week scan was this past week and we were so excited to see baby again! We are praying for all good results and a negative harmony test (which tests for chromosomal abnormalities like Down Syndrome and Trisomy). We will be able to get the gender results in a few days but plan to wait until we can share it in a special way :).
P.s. I think it's a girl ;) Any name suggestions!??