Designing Mama

Kiss me when I sleep

Luana Cardenas2 Comments

I know sweet Solly, that it's been months since I've last written. I can never find the perfect words to tell you how much I miss you. And there are no words do describe how much I need you. Life is harder here without you. You took a huge part of me when you went to heaven and it's so hard to breath. I feel so sick. I'm surrounded by people yet I feel so alone. I feel like without you, I don't have purpose. 

Sol's Six Month Angel Monthaversary

Luana Cardenas1 Comment

Hi special baby! Today is your six month angel monthaversary! Today you would have been rolling over, sitting up, possibly even crawling! If you were here today, mommy would take you on a fun walk. We would see the birds and the trees. We would play with your furry brother Oly, too! We would have even booked you a photoshoot to celebrate you being a big boy, and to get those silly pics mommies like to have. I know you would have been so chubby/healthy, so happy, so full of life. I would have given you my best and we would have been the happiest.

My perfect angel

Luana Cardenas1 Comment

Sometimes it feels like i'm in a dream and that I'll get to see you when I wake up. I keep thinking that you might be in another room waiting for me to open the door to find your eyes asking "Where have you been mommy?". I would run and grab you and never let you go. I think of you every hour of every day sweet boy. My love for you is beyond anything I ever knew. You are my perfect and beautiful angel. You make me so proud every day. I want everyone to know that you are my son, and I am your mother. You are the most special baby. You are the one who is watching over your mommy. You are the one who is taking care of me. 

You are missing from me

Letters to SolomonLuana Cardenas2 Comments

Everyone is asleep, and the house is quiet. No one knows I’m up thinking of you. The house is dark and silent, and that is how my heart feels sometimes. Its dark because your smile and laughter would have been my light. It is silent because your little coos and cries are missing from me. A few people have told me that I should move on. When is the right time to forget you, my dear? When will the time come that I won’t long for you with such despair.

It's Been One Month

Letters to SolomonLuana Cardenas2 Comments

Hello baby boy. Its been one month since you’ve come and gone, and all on the same day. Its been one month since Jesus closed your eyes and decided that you were much too perfect for this sinful world. Its been one month since you left a small whole in my heart from which you snuggled perfectly in since you were conceived with the most love any one can ever imagine. 

Mommy thinks about you all of the time. What are you doing up there? Are you playing nice and making friends? Are you worshiping God and helping Jesus with any special tasks? You are not here my baby, but you will always be my son.

A letter to my son, Solomon.

Letters to SolomonLuana Cardenas6 Comments

My sweet angel Solomon, the worst pain I ever knew was loosing you. You were my light, you were my joy, you were my life. You brought me hope, you brought me love, you brought me everything I ever asked God for. Your were the missing piece I never knew I was missing. You were, in a tiny little package, the conjoining of two souls in love, that God himself put together with his bare hands. You were my son, everything true and right to your mommy.