I went to the salon this weekend to get a blow out and I told the nice hairstylist not to freak out if she ends up with large chunks of hair on her brush. I explained that my hair has been falling out like crazy lately and showed her how my hair is thinning and I am literally balding at my hairline (Picture for reference).
She asked me, "Do you have any children". I know that she could never imagine how hurtful a question like that would be to someone like me. I guess she was just trying to help by asking questions that could potentially lead to the source of my problem. Several months out in my loss journey and I was still at a loss of words.
If I tell her that I do have children, then she might start to ask questions and I will be forced to have to break the news. She would in turn feel bad, I would feel awkward, It would be a mess. If I say that I don't have children, I would feel sad that I am not honoring my sweet Solomon. How could I just pass up the chance to acknowledge that he was alive, he was born, that his life mattered to me!
My awkward answer ended up being, “I have no living children”. She simply carried on with the conversation without a skipping a beat. Honestly, I don't think she even heard me, maybe it was best that way. Although what I really wanted to say was, “Yes, I do have a son, but unfortunately he passed away in my belly when I was 9 months pregnant. I still love him and I miss him so much." I realize this answer is an overkill. I can't articulate my life story every time someone asks me about my baby and/or if I have any children. Maybe I should just learn to say, “Nope, no kids”.
My answer to that dreaded question has literally been different every time. When I first got back to work after my leave a few weeks ago, our regular UPS guy of all people (who obviously knew I was pregnant from months before) asked me excitingly how my baby was. I literally froze, nodded, and said "He's doing great". Complete wtf moment. Oh well.
Right now though, I have to deal with this hair situation. I promise I’m not overwhelming myself with all my ttc shenanigans. I seriously thought that this hair situation would resolve itself in a few weeks, but it just keeps getting worse. I don't know what's going on, my hair has always been so healthy! Is it possible to be stressed without knowing it? Maybe it's crazy hormone's. Whatever it is, I just have to pick myself up and schedule an appointment with the dermatologist this week. Bald is not a good look for me.
^^^ Yay to selfies that hide the balding